Taking Nature Back

There was a big chapter of my life where I mostly avoided the mountains. I have PTSD and still struggle with triggers. But a few years ago, I decided to pick up a “real” camera. Then, for reasons still unknown to me, I also got a backpack and some camping gear. My theme: Take Nature Back. I view nature as a gift from God and it wasn’t okay with me that someone had taken it away.

Burrowing owl, Antelope Island

My camera was my security item. My sweetheart was my cheerleader. But success was not part of the picture for years. There were so many sleepless nights, several panic attacks, ugly flashbacks, deep bouts of depression, and many moments where I questioned my sanity and ability to continue. I still avoid spending the night in the mountains, but my story continues to inch forward and I’ve met some very kind, understanding people on the way.

I recently thought I’d try an overnighter again, and wondered if having a guide might help. We reached out to Mike (name changed), a local hiking guide and set the date. I even pushed through my panic and signed the waivers. But as the event approached I realized I needed to listen to that part of me that was not ready—to be kind to me. I felt embarrassed, but I briefly explained to Mike why I was cancelling. His reply was unexpectedly compassionate. He said, “…if one day the mountains ever call you again, I hope they feel like yours, not his (my abusers).” I have no words to describe how that phrase impacted me. If you are reading this, “Mike”, thanks again.

Since my decision to Take Back Nature, despite the complications, I have gathered new memories that include bear, elk, coyotes, bison, rabbits, owls, and more. Worry and fear literally disappear when I’m looking through the lens of my camera. I’m thrilled to call myself a professional photographer.

Do you avoid parts of your story too? What helps you the most? I pray for your success as you are brave and creative in your adventures. Our stories aren’t over yet.